Monday, October 30, 2006


Eat Bonobo: An Introduction

Ok... This is an idea I've had for ages but never got around to actually putting into action.

Here's the rules:

You may suggest a meal for me to eat.

It can be any combination of food you wish.

It cannot be too hazardous to my health i.e. toxic, acid, bleach etc.

It cannot be 'off', out of date or rotten.

It will be debatable to accept the food if it is extremely rare to find in the UK i.e. reindeer's testicles or super exclusive and expensive i.e. reindeer's testicles.

It must be food that is 'easy' to get hold of (No Roadrunner if you please.)

All comments will be looked at and a final decision will be made on which meal to have.

So, finally, you suggest the meal and I will prepare it if it needs preparing, cook it and eat it with pictorial evidence.

That's the rules for now. They might need tweaking and adjusting but that's about it.

I welcome your suggestions!

Above: Bonobo tucks into some scrummy breakfast, yesterday

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


Brief Video Game Character Fun

Mincing my merry way across the digital divide this morning I stumbled across a little beautiful nugget of randomness which I though I'd share with yaw all..

I remember doing this back in uni so this is years old and you may well have also already seen it, done it and had the t-shirt.. but you can see what kind of pre- 1985 video game character you would be based on a few simple questions! Ooooo!

This is mine on the type of things that I do..

What Video Game Character Are You? I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.

I strive to improve my living conditions by hoarding gold, food, and sometimes keys and potions. I love adventure, fighting, and particularly winning - especially when there's a prize at stake. I occasionally get lost inside buildings and can't find the exit. I need food badly. What Video Game Character Are You?

..Pretty accurate although ideally I was hoping I'd turn out more like Jet Set Willy...


Monday, October 16, 2006


Golf: A metaphor for life itself...

A very bad metaphor as I am about to demonstrate.

Whenever I play golf I tend to do the same things wrong over and over again. For example, when swinging the club I tend to lift my head, instead of focusing on the ball. I don't move my hips in the correct way or 'follow through' with the club which means I end up jabbing at the ball. Above all, I rush things rather than concentrating on thinking things through and getting it right.

It's like life. I reckon I should keep my head down more, try to be more inconspicuous and perhaps not such a tart. I should focus on what I am doing and concentrate properly. I definitely should think things through before acting or opening my mouth. And maybe I should move my hips properly (?)

But all too often I don't do these things, certainly not all of them. And, like golf - it doesn't matter how many times I tell myself not to do something, for some subconscious reason I end up doing it again. As Britney Spears once wisely put it; "oops".

Not really sure where I'm going with this so I'll finish off by pointing out that golf is also very much like my life in the sense that I am forever trying to get my balls near a hole. Or 18 holes if the truth be known.

See? - Golf is like life! It's not all drivers, flags and dodgy waterproofs.

I guess to blogland it looks as though it's taken me about 8 months to come up with that... x

Friday, October 13, 2006


Photos Of My Beautiful Car

Here are some distressing images of my ex-car. Those of you with a nervous disposition had better look away now...

From the front...

From the side/ front...

The other guys' set of wheels (yeah, I did that)...

Closer inspection in the garage...

Never mind though- the claims assessor has had a look at her and has stated quite a reasonable sum for payout...

I was expecting £800 less than he actually recommended. Which was nice!

Now it just depends on when I get the payout. Knowing how speedy my insurance company has been so far I could be in for a bit of a wait..

Below: Bonobo's new car

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Infuriating Events

Just to update you, I've spent every day trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my insurance, will I get a courtesy car, is the other person going to admit liability, where can I get a new car from etc etc.

Frankly, its not a place I like being in. I'm a simple man and follow fairly simple rules. But to have to be thrust into a position where I have to worry about everything.. Its just nuts.

I totally realise my insurance company (remaining nameless although I would love to let everyone know how useless and what a waste of time and money you really are) are completely incompetent and have tried to let ME do all of the work for them.

-Very, very soul destroying. I completely empathise with anyone who has had to do this before and, warn anyone right now- PLEASE, PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHEN DRIVING!

...Happy days!

Friday, October 06, 2006


My Beautiful Car

I know its very shallow to love your car, but I love mine. It's like a little workhorse for me. Its been through a hell of a lot. Its been really handy for me to get to work, to travel back and forth across the country to see my lovely PPQ.
All in all a lovely machine to have.

Last week I drove her from Oxford to Worcester to get her MOT sorted out because her tax was due this week. I did it on the Thursday night and then used my mums car to drive to work on the Friday. Then I drove her car back to Worcester on the Friday to pick up my newly MOT'd car.

I did this because I trust a certain garage that I have used for years in Worcester so it only seemed right and I could always find one in Oxford given time.

She also needed a service doing to her so yesterday evening I did the same thing.

Only I never made it to Worcester. At around 6.30 I ploughed into someone who was turining right in the opposite direction and who hadn't bothered to consider oncoming traffic.

My car was, for want of a better word, trashed. The front left side had its chassis pulled back and exposed the engine, screen washer and brake pads. Both headlights had popped out, the bonnet crumpled and passenger door completely jarred out of position.

In the meantime I successfully tested out the airbag, grazed my hand from the airbag opening up (which looked worse because it grazed down several layers of skin and had bled in places) whilst skidding along the road after clipping the side of the other car.

The other car amazingly flipped onto its roof. Yeah, I did that, I flipped a car.

This other car was driven by a guy who was only renting his car. He therefore had little ownership of the car in the first place. He got out of it straight away even though he was upside down.

The car that had been behind me stopped and the lady inside helped me and the other guy out, others stopped, the police arrived soon after and statements were given.

...The thing that is going to play on my mind is that, my car, my bread and butter, my VERY USEFUL THING has gone and finding a replacement will be a lengthy and unecessary process.

The other guy (who apparently will be flying back to Russia fairly soon anyway) will walk away from it, leaving his hire company to sort it out.

Meanwhile I am left with trying to sort out that thing that I needed the most to go where I needed to go- and it wasn't even my fault.

I know its only a bloody car but it means certain avenues have been cut off for a while, certain things will needed to be sorted out and its just what I dont need, not now, not ever.

I am feeling a bit down at the moment.

Monday, October 02, 2006


Tales of the Smoking Nun

Me and the boy Crumb have a friend called the Smoking Nun.

-Of course thats not his real name though, what poor baby would ever be christened 'The Smoking Nun'.. I've never known it personally, but if it does ever happen I'd like to be there at the christening as the family would all be completely hatstand.

I really do digress here... Back to the quality post...

So the Smoking Nun recalls a tale of when he was younger and would go out with his friend and get trolleyed. On the way home they would stop of at a late night service station and ask a poor random assistant for ice lollies from the freezer.

Not all that unusual you might think.

But they would take great pleasure in asking for ice lollies that never actually existed.

"Do you have the new Star Wars range of ice lollies? I'm after the Obi-Wan Kenobi Vanilla block."

He took great relish in recounting how the poor assistant would have to rummage deep into the arctic depths of the freezer, all for nowt as they had both just made it up on the spot.

Frickin' genius. I'm going to do it if I ever get the chance.

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