Monday, September 26, 2005


Sod them all...

...because I enjoyed myself so much on Friday, I'm going to blog in work today.

Earlier in the year I booked a villa in Tenerife for me and my girlfriend. When we sadly split up in April I decided that I would keep the booking and take a good friend along. Sadly that friend is Worzel.

Yes folks me and Worzel are going to Tenerife for a whole week this Friday. (imagine that - me and Worzel not blogging for a week!) We have a small, romantic retreat booked in the mountains. I just hope he doesn't make my whole week...

And I'm no werewolf, I don't have a particularly hairy back - and what hair I do have is blondy and largely undetectable. However I have recently become aware of a bit of darker sproutage up around the shoulder area. It isn't a look I'm fond of, so it had to go.

Yup, yesterday my little sister waxed my back. And I have never ever seen anyone take so much pleasure out of having so much power. The absolute psycho.

And how quickly one learns lessons. Don't spray body spray onto waxed shoulders. You might cry.

Friday, September 23, 2005


Not PC

Ahoy. It's fair to say that things have been pretty one sided on this alleged 'joint-blog' of late and it's about time I explained why. Imagine this ladies and gents - I currently do not have access to a computer!

(Ah - that's clearly a steaming great fib isn't it? Evidence suggests otherwise...)

Okay, despite currently using a computer, I don't actually have access to one very often. My employers are cracking down on web usage and I am currently between residences. I am sort of homeless, and have been since April. I've found that you can't really plug in a PC when living under a canal bridge.

BUT! By the end of October I will be moving into a new gaff and will be back. So you TML will once again be graced with beautiful prose, instead of Bonbon's tired old daily shite.

And who knows - when I'm regularly blogging again perhaps my rumored best mate will REMEMBER TO TELL ME ABOUT FACKIN BLOGMEETS! Thanks to those of you who said it would have been nice to meet me - I can assure you that it wouldn't - but bless you for the sentiment.

Sparrowhawks or Doug Mountjoy?
C x

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


Good Morning Britain

The fog has barely risen over the ancient Malvern hills...

Most people are still in bed...

The birds are still sleeping in their beds inside their semi- detached trees.

All is silent and still...

Dead to the world, is the world...

Dawn has not yet er, dawned...

As Nina Simone once sang, "It's a new dawn, its a new day-" NO! Not yet Nina! Hush! Pipe down lady!.. Shhh....


All is still very still.

The sun is just about to flirt with the horizon all bleedin' day long...

Things are about to start waking, up.. life will begin its noisy, moving, talking, walking events all over again very soon...

Yes, it is around this time in the morning that Bonobo screams down country roads of Herefordshire playing Tears for Fears' greatest hits at volume 11 in his fairly nippy and ickle blue car.

Suddenly birds spring up from their beds to the haunting strain of "Woman In Chains"...

Many birds, especially the Woodland Pap Sparrow and the Tail- Fenned Clubhumper are huge fans of 80's pop and are glad to hear these sounds. Other birds such as the Minstrel Gummed Cat Quacker are no loyal fans- just die hard indie rockers; but they pay it no mind, chalking it up to other birds being merely 'retro' and 'ironic' in their musical outlook. These birds may not last the winter.

The fog begins to make its way over the hilltops as the air starts to slowly heat up.

All animals are waking from their slumber such as badgers, squirrels, sheep, cows and horses (are these all of the animals that live in the country? oh wait.. voles and bees too) . It is their time on the world and they all go downstairs to have their cereal, but of course the horses would eat their cereal in a nosebag with a bit of milk in it and the bees would all eat Honey Nut Loops. And I think Badgers just have toast.

In their fields, their setts, their stables they slowly start the day. But in the distance they can only see a little blue blur whining across the countryside. It's Mr. Love again.

Bonobo has no intention of having breakfast or slowing down the car until he reaches school. He is on a mission. After sleeping like a very habitual insomniac who is kept awake at night anyway by living next door to a drum testing factory, Bonobo set off, kind of pissed that his sleep was taken away from him and just eager to get on with the day.

He arrives at school, which he finds.. is still closed. Bonobo checks his watch and winces immediately like a boy who trapped his fingers in the glass doors of a video and tv cabinet.

A note in the school bulletin the day before noted that;

"School opens at 7.40... No earlier"

His watch reads 7.10. Funking Rats.

...(i forgot rats- rats live in the country too)

Sunday, September 18, 2005


The Saturday blogmeet..

..was brill!

I don't want to say too much about it, I'm sure what I want to say has probably already been thought or posted elsewhere by other bloggers, but still..

- Lovely to meet other bloggers who are really real and really human.. Everyone I met was friendly sincere, funny and welcoming..

- Refreshing to meet some bloggers who, through complete ignorance and fault of myself, have never got around to reading their blogs. I felt a bit funny chatting to some bloggers who I'd only heard of in name only.. (But that'll change after spending the last hour just trawling over the vast interweb of various blog sites. It's good to have variety don't you agree?)

- Bloggers are in a nutshell, beautiful people.. I'm glad to be one too!

- And.. I feel an absolute twat for not asking Crumb if he wanted to come! After all, this is a joint blog ferchrissakes! He seemed ok with it but said he was more than able to come IF HE'D BEEN ASKED... Ah well.. Next time dude..

*Bonobo slinks away and leaves the country*

Sunday, September 11, 2005


Simply Super

After the first week of school I really needed to let my hair down.

Myself and Crumb went to see the Super Furry Animals at the Palace in Bridgwater.

After the gig, both of us agreed that we had never stood so close to the front of a SFA gig (we're both big and frequent SFA botherers when time and distance allows..).

It was awesome, truly awesome, and SFA never fail to deliver when it comes to the quality of their live sound.

Their set can sometimes be predicatble, but its a 'good' kind of predictable. You always know they will finish with 'The Man Don't Give A F***', to which the audience usually goes batshit to anyway. You always know that they give it their all when they perform and they are really into their music.

They're just a joy to watch and, I'm fairly envious of them. To be at the stage they are in life and doing the things that they do because they enjoy it must be very satisfying. Well done to them and long may they continue.

Ok, that's my muso rave for today.. Next week: Yazz and the Plastic Population...

Above: The very good Welsh band mentioned above this caption.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


Ecological Balance Disaster!

Police seized a couple of hundred grams of marijuana last week. A van with the illegal batch then drove to an undisclosed area in the countryside in order to destroy it by burning it.

The police had decided not to tell the forestry commission or any other countryside related groups. The police then set fire to the pile of drugs only to find a distraught park ranger running up to them. The park ranger notified the police that the fire was right next to a natural resting place for wild birds, especially terns.

However it was already too late. An investigation later after the fire revealed that no tern was left unstoned.

Monday, September 05, 2005


In Court

A large room in near darkness.

Then the spotlight turns on and is lowered, shining with full harsh intensity down against a blank wall on Crumb and Bonobo who both cower like little mice caught by the farmer, you know, like mice tend to cower from farmers (n.b.: might need to change this metaphor later).

The Almighty Blog Judge who sounds like Orson Welles after a heavy night out decides to finally speak.

"Well... the summer's nearly over and we find that BOTH of you have shown little, nay, no interest in any blogging whatsoever. Furthermore you have shunned and ostrich- sized your fellow blogging community. What do you have to say about this? Hmm?"

Crumb pipes up.

"It was really nice outside and we just had to play some footba-"

"SILENCE!" roars the Judge, his fatty jowls tremble like cheeks made of jelly (n.b. check this one too..) under the anger. "Just because, as you say 'it was nice outside' gives you NO excuse for the blatent neglect of your blog. Bonobo, anything to add?"

Bonobo looks around the room deciding what to say. After a few moments he turns back to the hungover Orson Welles.

"Ermm.. Well, you see sir, I did have 6 weeks off school, but apathy just took me over and I ended up being very lazy. Well, we're both guilty here, we've both been very non- committal in our approach to this blog. Jesus, we're both so sorry... sir."

Crumb immediately interjects.

"Yeah! We can change! Everybody can change can't they? Please, give us another chance! Pleeease!"

The Judge looks at both Very-Sorry-Cowering-Like-Mice-Caught-By-The-Farmer-Figures in the darkness and passes judgement. Both; guilty. Both; sentenced to spend the rest of their days in the Phantom Zone like the baddies in Superman II.

Bonobo: "Rats."

Crumb: "Cocking rats."


Above: Crumb and Bonobo being setenced in a similar way to the method illustrated above, albeit minus a white-wigged Marlon Brando and 3 Super-Baddies. But the cool moving hoops were there.

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