George Lucas and his vast Empire have finally bowed to fanboy/girl pressure and will release the original Star Wars trilogy in their complete non- cgi glory...

Aaah.. to see Han shoot Greedo first instead of the other way around...

Click here to see the naff covers for the new releases..



Above: Soon after, Han shot Greedo in his little green noggin.

*ring-ring... ring- ring.. ring-ring... ring- ring... ring- ri-*

"Hello?"

"Oh hi, my name is Bonobo Love. I was just wondering if I could order a ninja please. It says here they deliver within the hour."

"Um.. Hold on.."

"Pardon?"

"Could you just wait a minute please."

"Oh, okay"

*muffled conversation*

"You did say a ninja?"

"Yes, a ninja please. I'd like to infiltrate somewhere in the daylight without being seen and thought if I ordered a ninja it may help me. How much are they?"

"..Lets have a look then.."

*tappity tap, tappity tap tap- ENTER..*

"Standard lease on a ninja, your basic Onyx Silent Badboy is £120. For 24 hours. Then £20 each hour after that."

"Oh..kaay.. Didn't think they'd be cheap. ..Ok then... Could I order one please, right now."

"Sure. .. Oh.. Oh wait hang on..- *tappity tap tap* - they're out of stock. The next one up I could do for you would be a Lonesome Black Dragon Operative, but they're into the next price bracket."

"What are we talking here?"

"Two fifty, minimum. Couldn't do you any that would be cheaper."

"£250? .. "

"I could do a Gold Embossed Samurai at £150 for a day if you-"

"No, it has to be a ninja. Damn."

"Sorry mate, try again next week, we'll probably be not as busy then."

"Ok, thanks anyway. Bye for now."

"Cheers"

*click*


Sometimes it seems there just aren't enough ninjas in the world.

Oh my shit...

The glorious life giving sun is finally out on the UK.. This looks really good to me. Unfortunately being at 'work' and having to earn a 'wage' means I can't fully enjoy it in the week, which is a shame. Is there anyone else out there with the same problem as me?

I bet there would be nothing finer than being out in the sun, drinking a nice cool lemony drink, reading your favourite copy of Woman's Weekly and lying on top of a massive ice cube as big as a Vauxhall Astra. How heavenly does that sound?

But, you know, its an odd thing, this sun malarkey.. I don't like getting too hot, as I'm already a natural radiator. However, dressed in the right fatigues, nice and cool and.. well, minimal (I don't make a habit of taking off my t-shirt as I tend to make babies cry and flowers wilt at the sight of my monstrous gut..) I can love the heat as much as the next prawn.

Ah well, with the impending summer coming up, its only a matter of time before at the weekends, everyone runs to the country or the beach and we get the 'scorcher' headlines in all of the lovely guttery press. Barbeques will become the social event and indeed the only way to eat outside. Lollies and wasps will become the standard way of cooling down whilst baking in the ultraviolet riot.

Sitting down at 11 at night will feel all the more welcoming on a Friday night when you realise- 'Oooh! You've caught the sun!'.. Cool daddio.

I can't ruddy well wait my peeps, I can't wait. Lets just please hope its keeps this way by all constantly praying for loads more of this bright yellow ball in space.



Above: The sun yesterday. Hotter than an oven or the filling in a freshly heated Fray Bentos meat pie, apparently.