Above: Ms Tyler, looking bonnie.


My dad has just bought Bonnie Tyler's greatest hits, called "Bonnie Tyler: All The Best".

It's a 3-CD bonanza of shouty welsh lady soft rock.

It has such unforgettable aural gems such as "Lost In France", "Against the wind" and "It's a heartache"- which is actually repeated on two separate CD's.

Not that anyone bothered to check up on this mistake. Or check that these songs were actually termed as "hits".

When you think of Bonnie Tyler, do you automatically start buzzing in your head:

"Once upon a time I was fallin' in love.. and now I'm only fallin' apart.. nothing I can say.. a total eclipse of the heart.."

...Because that's what I'd think. I can remember back in the early 90's in some parts of North Wales, it was the last 'ironic' song of the night in pubs and clubs from Pwllheli to Prestatyn, but I'm sure if you had rewound a good ten years, that same song would still be played in those pubs and clubs but with not an ironic gesture in sight. A nice cheesy power ballad, complete with a very distrurbing video concerning school boys who have flourescent eyeballs.

And seeing as that's her only real song ever, everything else she has produced since, I'm sure, is just toilet.

Well, "Eclipse" is not on any of the 3 CDs, and I feel bad because my dad's paid for it. Worse still, he's downloaded it into my Itunes library for Pete's sake. I might accidentally pick it up on my Ipod and then start listening to her. That'd be the stereo version of suicide.

I wish her well, and long may she reign in faraway Eastern bloc countries, but right here, right now, on my Ipod and with her obscure so called hits, I have no cause or need for her.

Please Ms Tyler, hop it from my life.