Saturday, November 25, 2006


I use the word 'modicum' in this post

So there I am, happily coasting in my job.

It's easy, anyone can do it if they find the right place. You don't need to stick your neck out, you just do what you're told and what you're expected to do.

As a teacher, its really just all about teaching. Head down, teach. Teach, teach and teach. Keep on teachin' as the old song never used to say.

Well a week and a half (ish) ago my head of department, the guy I usually look up to to see what I have to do next had a slight accident. The cut a short story into a bite-sized nugget, he broke his ankle and won't be back until well after christmas.

Which means I can't coast along anymore.

I'm taking his GCSE classes on top of mine. I'm assuming other responsibilities that he would have usually done, which means a lot more paperwork. Also OfSTED are coming in to pay us a visit (not unexpected- the school needs them as a matter of course due to its unique position at the moment..) so everyone needs to be really, really on the ball.

That means really, even aside from OfSTED coming in, Bonobo can't coast along anymore. Now I've got to be a kind of head of department myself.

Which fills me with excitement and a modicum of pant-filling fear...

(Oh and as regards my eating of strange and weird delicacies from my previous post, I've had to draw a line under that, only because at the moment I cannot find a lamb's heart anywhere and also it would take a lot of time, love and an iron clad constitution which at the moment I am in little supply of.. so I'll have to put that on hold for now..)

Sunday, November 12, 2006


True calling

I only bought a microphone the other day, then downloaded some free music recording software and got some special lead connectors to plug in various instruments etc..

By god, now I'm making music! Music that can be played on stereos, mp3s and CD players!

...Well, its music of a sort. Its very rough and sounds very home made and I can't sing to save my life; but I godamn love it!

Why wasn't I doing this like 5 years ago?

(p.s. I will be attempting gross food this week owing to illness last week...)

Monday, October 30, 2006


Eat Bonobo: An Introduction

Ok... This is an idea I've had for ages but never got around to actually putting into action.

Here's the rules:

You may suggest a meal for me to eat.

It can be any combination of food you wish.

It cannot be too hazardous to my health i.e. toxic, acid, bleach etc.

It cannot be 'off', out of date or rotten.

It will be debatable to accept the food if it is extremely rare to find in the UK i.e. reindeer's testicles or super exclusive and expensive i.e. reindeer's testicles.

It must be food that is 'easy' to get hold of (No Roadrunner if you please.)

All comments will be looked at and a final decision will be made on which meal to have.

So, finally, you suggest the meal and I will prepare it if it needs preparing, cook it and eat it with pictorial evidence.

That's the rules for now. They might need tweaking and adjusting but that's about it.

I welcome your suggestions!

Above: Bonobo tucks into some scrummy breakfast, yesterday

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


Brief Video Game Character Fun

Mincing my merry way across the digital divide this morning I stumbled across a little beautiful nugget of randomness which I though I'd share with yaw all..

I remember doing this back in uni so this is years old and you may well have also already seen it, done it and had the t-shirt.. but you can see what kind of pre- 1985 video game character you would be based on a few simple questions! Ooooo!

This is mine on the type of things that I do..

What Video Game Character Are You? I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.

I strive to improve my living conditions by hoarding gold, food, and sometimes keys and potions. I love adventure, fighting, and particularly winning - especially when there's a prize at stake. I occasionally get lost inside buildings and can't find the exit. I need food badly. What Video Game Character Are You?

..Pretty accurate although ideally I was hoping I'd turn out more like Jet Set Willy...


Monday, October 16, 2006


Golf: A metaphor for life itself...

A very bad metaphor as I am about to demonstrate.

Whenever I play golf I tend to do the same things wrong over and over again. For example, when swinging the club I tend to lift my head, instead of focusing on the ball. I don't move my hips in the correct way or 'follow through' with the club which means I end up jabbing at the ball. Above all, I rush things rather than concentrating on thinking things through and getting it right.

It's like life. I reckon I should keep my head down more, try to be more inconspicuous and perhaps not such a tart. I should focus on what I am doing and concentrate properly. I definitely should think things through before acting or opening my mouth. And maybe I should move my hips properly (?)

But all too often I don't do these things, certainly not all of them. And, like golf - it doesn't matter how many times I tell myself not to do something, for some subconscious reason I end up doing it again. As Britney Spears once wisely put it; "oops".

Not really sure where I'm going with this so I'll finish off by pointing out that golf is also very much like my life in the sense that I am forever trying to get my balls near a hole. Or 18 holes if the truth be known.

See? - Golf is like life! It's not all drivers, flags and dodgy waterproofs.

I guess to blogland it looks as though it's taken me about 8 months to come up with that... x

Friday, October 13, 2006


Photos Of My Beautiful Car

Here are some distressing images of my ex-car. Those of you with a nervous disposition had better look away now...

From the front...

From the side/ front...

The other guys' set of wheels (yeah, I did that)...

Closer inspection in the garage...

Never mind though- the claims assessor has had a look at her and has stated quite a reasonable sum for payout...

I was expecting £800 less than he actually recommended. Which was nice!

Now it just depends on when I get the payout. Knowing how speedy my insurance company has been so far I could be in for a bit of a wait..

Below: Bonobo's new car

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Infuriating Events

Just to update you, I've spent every day trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my insurance, will I get a courtesy car, is the other person going to admit liability, where can I get a new car from etc etc.

Frankly, its not a place I like being in. I'm a simple man and follow fairly simple rules. But to have to be thrust into a position where I have to worry about everything.. Its just nuts.

I totally realise my insurance company (remaining nameless although I would love to let everyone know how useless and what a waste of time and money you really are) are completely incompetent and have tried to let ME do all of the work for them.

-Very, very soul destroying. I completely empathise with anyone who has had to do this before and, warn anyone right now- PLEASE, PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHEN DRIVING!

...Happy days!

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